My Next Life

What happens when you stop managing time and start listening to it.

When I was in my late 40’s I started thinking what do I want to do in my next life?

We were getting ready to sell the family business and I was going to take some tie to plan on what I wanted to do next. Go back to school? Get a certificate in a completely new field?

Most people approach 50 with trepidation thinking they are on the downhill slide to old age and retirement. Not me. I was looking forward to it.

I looked back at a life lived in years. The first 20 years don’t really count as you are growing and evolving and listening to your parents, mostly. My twenties were spent going to the obligatory college and partying my way through the years. My thirties I stated a family and really dug into who I was and then my 40’s were amazing. So really I had about 25 years of doing so much. When I looked forward I started adding up the years.

I had at least 25 years to start something new and master it before retirement and then still have multiple years after official retirement to have fun. But I was wiser this time than I was at 20.

But that is a double edged sword. I was too wise for my own good and kept coming up with wise reasons why each idea wouldn’t work. Mostly curtained around money and the real fear of failing. It had to be the perfect choice.

As I was mulling over my endless choices an opportunity came for me to participate in a retreat, a vision quest of sorts. 5 days in the forest fasting, alone (but with a support team handy) only taking what I could carry. Hmmmm. Sounded interesting. I’m in!

There was about 10 of us going out with just as big of a support team. We went through orientation with the typical speal of what to expect. This is the woods, there are bears, there could be bad weather, don’t leave your area in the dark, if you need help, etc.

We also went through the discussions aka counseling of What did we want to get out of this retreat. What were we hoping to discover. I told them I wanted to find my next life and I was clueless how to figure it out. Heads bobbed. You should be able to figure that out in the next few days, but it may not be what you are expecting. Be open.

Huh…what did they know…how could they be so sure.

After all the do and don’ts and what you can expect they took us out to our “spot”. Each person had a spot isolated from each other, but within shouting distance in case of danger. We were left with a gallon of water (Fasting retreat…) and the stuff we carried in. And they left.

Now what.

The first thing that popped into my head was all the things I ‘had’ to do. I had to set up my tent I had to organize my belongings and then…like a to do list running in my head. And then it hit me…I don’t have to ‘do’ anything right away. There was no first things first. Where was I going? I had no phone, no schedule, no kids asking me to do something.

I simply had to be.

I didn’t have to do anything because it was required or I was supposed to. There was no time schedule no notifications to respond to. I could do something simply because I wanted to.

So I did.

I set my tent down and walked around my little area with no plan, no destination, just exploring and looking around.

After my tent was up, I decided to write and I started to get sleepy. Again, that voice that told me what I should do. “You can’t nap, it’s a waste of time. You have things to do”.

I was getting better at this. “I can fall asleep if I want to, I don’t have to do anything.

I simply have to be

I took three power naps that day not focused on sleeping or doing anything. It felt good and I could feel the constraints of civilization and notifications fall away. I started to draw with my pencil a leaf that I saw. That may seem normal, but…I don’t draw. Takes too much time and I have the endless list of to-do’s scrolling through my head to pay attention to shadow and light and the various colors.

It was awesome and I didn’t do too bad.

That night sitting in my tent, listening to the nighthawks, I realized how much I had been regulated by all the ‘shoulds’ instead of pausing to contemplate all the ‘coulds’.

The reason I could not decide what I wanted to be in my next life is that I was in my own way, conditioned by the experiences of a society that places way too much value on the definition of success instead of just letting success unfold for each person.

That night under the stars, I discovered what I wanted to be in my next life. No it was not what I expected, but it felt right and it felt like…me.

I discovered many other things on that trip. Some, to this day I am still unpacking and they will probably show up in a future writing.

Fast forward 10 years and I am a health and transformation coach who specializes in time. Not the management of, but in creating a relationship with.

And when I get a little lost, I go out into the woods, without my phone and I just get to be.